Codes

Damn, you make it hard
Shouldn't need a riddle to unlock your heart
So, say what's on your mind
We got other things that we could do with our
Time, we could rule the world
Know you say you never need another girl
But, you're not making sense
Trying to keep it moving while you're on the fence

Tell me black and white
Why I'm here tonight
I can't read the signs

Stop talking in codes,
Let me know what's up, can't do it no more
I need a love to celebrate
So baby, take it all the way
Stop talking in codes

It's a mystery
I know that something happened in your history
Oh, it's too much to risk
You give me some, but you've been holding most of it
Back, so it's no surprise
Everything you do, I over analyze
Breathe, in and out
Baby, give me something new to think about

Tell me black and white
Why I'm here tonight
I can't read the signs

Stop talking in codes

Holding on for life

Enemy, used to be
Part of you, bittersweet
But now you tell me lies
Up and down, cold and hot
Swear to God, got to stop
Because I can't sleep at night

If you wanted love like this
Blowing up with every kiss
Should've known better
Because you find yourself alone
Chilling you right to the bone
No, should've known better

You and me just
Running towards the light
Giving up the fight
Hoping we survive
You and me just
Strangers in the night
Giving up the fight
Waiting to ignite
Holding on for life

Lost in you, lost in me
Afraid of love, in too deep
So we just run and hide
Lightning fast, felt the crash
Scared to lose, fear attacks
We only know goodbye

Hopelessly holding on
To all those perfect nights
Let's pretend it's not gone
And say we'll never die

Good Enough..

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

Anywhere

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the mornings light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Sometimes the feelings really mean are found in the letters which you write and never send..

There are so many things I want to share with you…so many things I want you to notice in me, these things wander around in my head all the time and I believe I won’t get rid of them until I can get them out. I really wished we were still together like we were back then not in the way you’re thinking about…just being friends, the friends we were then…
What I miss the most are the simplest things…I miss the way we laid in the dark and talked for hours about what we thought the future would bring, I miss the long walks at night…I miss being with you, I miss playing with you,  I miss playing computer with you…but I think what I miss the most is holding your hand…and being able to comfort you whenever you’re feeling down…I miss being able to tell you how I really feel for you…It makes me feel like I’m lying to you all the time…
I hate the fact that I have to keep everything I feel inside…because I don’t want to move too fast, because I’m scared you’ll just push me away…I’m scared of, maybe, not being able to bring you back into my life…I’m scared of having to live my life without you by my side…I could do it, I’ve done it actually, but that’s not living, that’s surviving, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to survive without you, every single day…but mostly I’m scared of waking up one day and seeing you with another guy, don’t get me wrong…I want you to be happy no matter what the consequences are, but I love you, it hasn’t gone away after all this time, and I know that it is here to stay, it would just crush me…even though all I want right now is to be your friend and be a part of your life again it doesn’t mean that I can just ignore what I feel…I can put it aside as long as you want and be just your friend, but if you fell for another I really don’t know what I would do…this thing just keeps going round in my head, wish I could tell you…I wish you could just read all the things that go through my heart, but it’s not the right time, and I really don’t know when that right time will arrive, or even if it will…
Until everything settles all I have to do is hope, that maybe one day, you’ll love me as much as I love you right now…
All the times I sit here alone thinking about you hoping you would come by and spend the afternoon with me like we did so many times back then…listening to music and playing all day…I don’t remember any time in which I was happier than then, I really don’t…and that’s what I hope to get back, your trust and my place in your heart…and if there comes a time when things evolve into what they were after that…if we ever become more than friends again, well…if that ever comes to happen, I’ll be the luckiest person on earth, if not it doesn’t matter I just wish I can still live my life with you by my side until we grow old and become those old ladies who talk all afternoon and were best friends their whole lives…=)
It was only with you that I changed my perspective of my future, I always knew what I was going to do, I was going to work, have a place of my own, have a bunch of dogs, help the ones I could, and grow old with them on one house in the countryside…you changed that, you made me realize that I had a chance of having a life full of love, with you and I, always together until the end…
But well, at least now I know that I can either end up alone, or with you…I dream of no other by my side…and I came to think every now and then that you may have underestimated when I say to you that I would always love you…I was right, I will always love you, I know what this feeling is, I know it because I’ve never felt it before I met you…I never felt what it really was like having a soul mate…and now I know…and I don’t intend giving that up…even when the hardest things happened there was only one thing I was sure of…and that was it…this feeling never left me, even when I said we should be some time apart, I never stopped loving you, I just needed to get my mind straight about certain things I was dealing with…after all that happened…I was never capable of hating you, I was so hurt about all the things that I had done that I hated myself, not you…I hated myself for not being able to show you how much I really loved you…
So, after all these things I’ve written…I don’t know what to do with this, well, letter I wanted you to see it, but I guess it’s just too soon, because I don’t want to scare you away…I guess I just needed to get these things out of my chest before they burst out…

Dated: 01-06-2008

Drop In The Ocean

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

I don't wanna waste the weekend,
If you don't love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it's time to go.
And as my train rolls down the east coast,
I wonder how you keep warm.
It's too late to cry, too broken to move on.

Still I can't let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep.
Don't take what you don't need, from me.

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.
Misplaced trust and old friends,
Never counting the regrets,
By the grace of god, I do not rest at all.
And new england as the leaves change;
The last excuse that I'll claim,
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl.

Still I can't let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep,
Don't take what you don't need, from me.

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
Heaven doesn't seem far away.

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.
You are my heaven

A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

...

Of all of the things that she's ever said
She goes and says something that just knocks me dead.

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything down to chemicals
But you can't explain a love like ours.

...

Random thoughts

Sometimes I wonder, should I be worried..I find myself not feeling anything most of the time. Seems that nothing matters. I feel like I've become what I despise.
I worry I'll never feel again...not like before, it is like there's a wall that prevents me from feeling anything. Of course I get annoyed wth stuff, and angry, but about what really matters?
Sometimes I wish you had never happened...maybe then I wouldn't be broken, maybe then I would still have all the friends i once had..but maybes won't take me anywhere, and wishing you never happened is like wishing I never grew up.
Of course something like that would have to happen, it should happen to everyone, I just hope they have a little more luck than I had.
I just don't know if I will ever feel again...anything at all, at seems that when all the pain washed away there was nothing left.
Wish I felt....but it was wishing that brought me where I am in the first place...

Tired

So tired of trying to make my heart not want something that for some unfathomable reason he wants..

Hurts - Stay

My whole life waiting for the right time
To tell you how I feel.
Know I try to tell you that I need you.
Here I am without you.
I feel so lost but what can I do?
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
Nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up.
And I wonder if you know
How it feels to let you go?

You say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

So change your mind
And say you're mine.
Don't leave tonight
Stay.

Say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away.
Stay, stay.
'Cause all my life I've felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay, stay.

Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay with me, stay with me,
Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.

Breathe Again

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

Jacob..

When it comes down to it..I'll always be Jacob..
Your private sun..shining for you..even if I can't shine for myself..

"Set Fire To The Rain"

I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me

My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing gets better

'Cause there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew,
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!

Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.

I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

I set fire to the rain,
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time

Let it burn

Maybe

So maybe one day I won't feel this way...maybe one day it'll all be over and I won't dream of you..and hopefully I won't wake up with the feeling that of a knife stabbed at my chest.
At the same time I hope it won't fade away..because it's the only feeling I have at this point..
Good or bad you're the only thing that makes me feel something, it's like I don't care at all any more, nothing matters any more, it's just like going through the motions of being alive and doing what everyone expects me to do..
I hate that I put you through so much pain that you had to leave me to get through it..I hate that..I hate that I lost the only thing that kept me clinging to life..I hate losing the only thing I really truly love..
I don't like the perspective of going through life just surviving and not living..
I have many wishes...and perhaps as many regrets..
I wish I would have been enough for you..but clearly giving you my all wasn't enough to help you go through what you had to go through...
I really truly believe I have never loved anyone besides you..not even close to what it was like with you...
I know it in my heart that nothing will ever be like that again...And I hang on to the promises I made to you..At least the ones I wasn't made to break because of your choices..
I will always be waiting for you..even though I know in my heart that there's no chance that you'll come back..not with these feelings..
Maybe being close to you will be enough to keep me from worrying...and I'll be happy with whatever choices you make for yourself..I guess that's what it means, loving someone...letting them go and be happy even though you may not be part of their happiness..
I will always love you like no one else...and you'll always have a place in my heart...and life..I still wait for you..even though smetimes I believe it would be much less painful just to give up on you and go through the motions of life...
But the truth is I can't..I've tried over and over again to just give up on you...but every time I tried I pulled myself back in through my dreams..
The dreams will eventually kill my soul and there's nothing I can do about that..if I don't talk to you I keep chasing you in my dreams..if I talk to you..they get mixed up with feelings of the present and the truth of the past..
Some nights I'm afraid to go to sleep..other nights wish for it...
Just another lost soul roaming around I guess..

Adele - One and Only

You've been on my mind,
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time,
Just thinking of your face,
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go,
You're the only one that I want,

I don't know why I'm scared,
I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forget your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
Promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

If I've been on your mind,
You hang on every word I say,
Lose yourself in time,
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close,
And have you tell me whichever road I choose, you'll go?

I don't know why I'm scared,
'Cause I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forget your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
I promise I'm worth it, mmm,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

I know it ain't easy giving up your heart,
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,
Nobody's perfect,
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart),
Trust me I've learned it,

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
I promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

Come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts.

The Other Side - Evanescence

Make me whole again
Open your eyes
Taunted by the shadows
Of your lie
Cold and far away
Like you're not even mine
Undo everything
And take me

Higher
Never believing what they say
Cause I'm

Counting the days
To meet you on the other side
I will always be
Waiting
Until the day that I see you
On the other side
Come and take me home

I'm not giving in
I want you back
Holding together by the shards of our past
Stole my heart away
I can't let you go
Break these chains
And let me fly to you

High above the world below
Over and over in my mind

Counting the days
To meet you on the other side
I will always be
Waiting
Until the day that I see you
On the other side
Come and take me home

I am so lost without my place
Inside your heart
I won't survive
I need to know you hear me
Awaken and release my love

Counting the days
To meet you on the other side
I will always be
Waiting
Until the day
That I see you on the other side
Come and take me

Counting the days
To meet you on the other side
I will always be
Waiting
Until the day that I see you
On the other side
Come and take me home

"Desert Rain"

I miss you so much now I call again
Come, come tonight
Just hold me tight
In this desert rain your my guiding light

We, We were lost
This world of pain
I miss you so much now I call again
Come, come tonight
Just hold me tight
In this desert rain your my guiding light

We, we were lost
This walk of tide
We forgot about love, You forgot about us
Now I am here
Dreams become real

I feel like a sand that's blown away
back into the storm
I'm inside this dream
That feels just like a desert rain

You will always have my soul
Hidden dreams and secret words
Missing you

I feel like a sand that's blown away
back into the storm
I'm inside this dream
That feels just like a desert rain

Stand in the rain

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain