Sometimes the feelings really mean are found in the letters which you write and never send..

There are so many things I want to share with you…so many things I want you to notice in me, these things wander around in my head all the time and I believe I won’t get rid of them until I can get them out. I really wished we were still together like we were back then not in the way you’re thinking about…just being friends, the friends we were then…
What I miss the most are the simplest things…I miss the way we laid in the dark and talked for hours about what we thought the future would bring, I miss the long walks at night…I miss being with you, I miss playing with you,  I miss playing computer with you…but I think what I miss the most is holding your hand…and being able to comfort you whenever you’re feeling down…I miss being able to tell you how I really feel for you…It makes me feel like I’m lying to you all the time…
I hate the fact that I have to keep everything I feel inside…because I don’t want to move too fast, because I’m scared you’ll just push me away…I’m scared of, maybe, not being able to bring you back into my life…I’m scared of having to live my life without you by my side…I could do it, I’ve done it actually, but that’s not living, that’s surviving, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to survive without you, every single day…but mostly I’m scared of waking up one day and seeing you with another guy, don’t get me wrong…I want you to be happy no matter what the consequences are, but I love you, it hasn’t gone away after all this time, and I know that it is here to stay, it would just crush me…even though all I want right now is to be your friend and be a part of your life again it doesn’t mean that I can just ignore what I feel…I can put it aside as long as you want and be just your friend, but if you fell for another I really don’t know what I would do…this thing just keeps going round in my head, wish I could tell you…I wish you could just read all the things that go through my heart, but it’s not the right time, and I really don’t know when that right time will arrive, or even if it will…
Until everything settles all I have to do is hope, that maybe one day, you’ll love me as much as I love you right now…
All the times I sit here alone thinking about you hoping you would come by and spend the afternoon with me like we did so many times back then…listening to music and playing all day…I don’t remember any time in which I was happier than then, I really don’t…and that’s what I hope to get back, your trust and my place in your heart…and if there comes a time when things evolve into what they were after that…if we ever become more than friends again, well…if that ever comes to happen, I’ll be the luckiest person on earth, if not it doesn’t matter I just wish I can still live my life with you by my side until we grow old and become those old ladies who talk all afternoon and were best friends their whole lives…=)
It was only with you that I changed my perspective of my future, I always knew what I was going to do, I was going to work, have a place of my own, have a bunch of dogs, help the ones I could, and grow old with them on one house in the countryside…you changed that, you made me realize that I had a chance of having a life full of love, with you and I, always together until the end…
But well, at least now I know that I can either end up alone, or with you…I dream of no other by my side…and I came to think every now and then that you may have underestimated when I say to you that I would always love you…I was right, I will always love you, I know what this feeling is, I know it because I’ve never felt it before I met you…I never felt what it really was like having a soul mate…and now I know…and I don’t intend giving that up…even when the hardest things happened there was only one thing I was sure of…and that was it…this feeling never left me, even when I said we should be some time apart, I never stopped loving you, I just needed to get my mind straight about certain things I was dealing with…after all that happened…I was never capable of hating you, I was so hurt about all the things that I had done that I hated myself, not you…I hated myself for not being able to show you how much I really loved you…
So, after all these things I’ve written…I don’t know what to do with this, well, letter I wanted you to see it, but I guess it’s just too soon, because I don’t want to scare you away…I guess I just needed to get these things out of my chest before they burst out…

Dated: 01-06-2008