If I would have known

If I would have known the way that this would end
If I would have read the last page first
If I would have had the strength to walk away
If I would have known how this would hurt
I would have loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd loved you anyway
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
And, even if I'd seen it coming
You'd still have seen me running
Straight into your arms...

Just Came Down

You could hear her name
When she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing
but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she's part of something that you lost
Now she's moving further from you
Every step you take
reminds you that she's walking away
Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down...

...

And I miss the times when the world I ran to was enough to get me through the day..

I hate that all that fills my mind are pages full of questions that start with what if..

I wish I had known what I know now..

It scares me that given the chance I'd go through all of it again...

Terrified that the feeling won't go away..terrified that it does..

These are the times I wish I could push the button and go numb...

I miss the games...I miss the days when even though everything was wrong..it all seemed right.

Somedays I wish I could forget every little detail I remember about you..But how could I forget..

Hating you would make this a lot easier...but I could never hate you..

And everytime I remember the letters it all comes rushing back..and there's nothing I can do about it.

All those feelings are bottled up inside...And I don't want to be here when they get out.

These days I hate dreaming..the past sneaks up on me..and I never want to wake up again.

And I still wish I had done something to keep what I cherished the most..

Most days I'm just numb...but there's always something that reminds me of you..and everything falls apart..

What hurts the most was being so close...

I hate that I was stupid enough to let go of what everyone is looking for..

Standing here wondering..if I will ever feel something new..

Wish I had the strength to put these feelings in a box and never had to deal with the hurt again...

There's nothing I can do...but I know..in the back of my mind..I keep wishing..

I always hoped that love was enough..

And everytime I walk pass you I can't stop my heart from beating faster..only for it to fall to my stomach when I snap back to the present..

Wish I could see the future..only to know how this story ends..

And I'm just waiting..waiting to see what happens in the end..doubting it'll be what I always wanted..

Nothing could replace those years..and nothing has ever come even close to the feelings I had..

I never want to feel that kind of love again..not when I still love something that's impossible for me to have..

Daughtry - No Surprise

(And I hope.. and I hope..)
I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I'm singing louder, I love how it sounds
'Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise.. I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river, once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever.. just pushing it down
It felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise.. I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to save
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wright and wrong, our memories
The whispering before we sleep,
Just one more thing that you can't keep

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The lovin' look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no..
as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise.. I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed til today
(Stayed til today)
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The lovin' look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
(And I hope.. and I hope.. and I hope.. and I hope.. and I hope..)

Just A Dream - Nelly

I was thinking bout her, thinking bout me
Thinking bout us, what we gon' be
Open my eyes yeah, it was only Just A Dream
So I traveled back, down that road
Wish she'd come back, no one knows
I realize yeah, it was only Just A Dream

I was at the top and now its like I'm in the basement
Number one spot and now she find her a replacement
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby
And now you ain't around baby I can't think
I should've put it down, should've got the ring
Cause I can still feel it in the air
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair
My lover, my life, my shawty, my wife
She left me, I'm tied
Cause I knew that it just ain't right

I was thinking bout her, thinkin bout me
Thinking bout us, what we gon' be
Open my eyes yeah, it was only just a dream
So I traveled back, down that road
Wish she'd come back, no one knows
I realize yeah, it was only just a dream

When I be riding man I swear I see her face at every turn
Tryna get my Usher on but I can't let it Burn
And I just hopes she know that she the only one I yearn for
More and more I miss her, when will I learn
Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback
Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby
Hey, she was so easy to love
But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough
I'm going through it every time that I'm alone
And now I'm missing, wishing she'd pick up the phone
But she made the decision that she wanted to move on
Cause I was wrong

I was thinking bout her, thinking bout me
Thinking bout us, what we gon' be
Open my eyes yeah, it was only just a dream
So I traveled back, down that road
Wish she'd come back, no one knows
I realize yeah, it was only just a dream

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
And now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything
Said if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
Now they're gone and you're wishing you could give them everything

I was thinking bout her, thinking bout me
Thinking bout us, what we gon' be
Open my eyes yeah, it was only just a dream
So I traveled back, down that road
Wish she'd come back, no one knows
I realize yeah, it was only just a dream

Daughtry - September

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end...

...

"Não podes tê-la. Não podes agora, nem nunca pudeste. Esquece-a. Faz o teu trabalho. Faz a única coisa que podes fazer."

These Days

I think i was better off before this all began
So clearly i can see lately that you don't know who i am
Everybody tried to tell me something that i never could believe
Stand back it seems so much different than it did in front of me

Why should i put my trust in something that i never could believe
So one day you can find something better just to pack your things and leave
Loneliness is a friend for the moment but you won't walk out on me

I'm tired and I'm sick of waiting
Maybe I'll die alone
'cause i can't take another damn day
Of waiting here for you to come home to me

I think I'm better off alone
These days...

Pages

She spills her heart on a page and
She watches words flow away then
Her feelings lie on the page alone
There waiting
For someone who cares to read them
To open their eyes to see them
To see if they can make her thoughts their own
To find out that maybe your life's not perfect
Maybe it's not worth what she gives away

What happens to a soul when
It's trapped inside her emotions
And all of these words she's spoken
They bind her to the life she's left behind
And every new step she takes
She knows that she might not make it
To all of these dreams that she has yet to find

You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Letting you see through me
Now only consumes me
Forget your pain, watch me fall apart...

From Where You Are

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here......

Keep Forgetting..

Thinking back when we got together
In our hearts we were saying forever
Jealousy wasn't what we wanted, we broke up
And when you looked into my eyes I should of spoke up
And held you near, then I wouldn't be alone
And here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

I would be crazy to say that we were perfect
And sometimes I was wondering if it was worth it
But now I see, how could you run from me?
And everytime I drive by your apartment
I get this overwhelming urge to walk in
And see your face and to be in that place all over again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never though that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
I'm just glad to see an end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you..

And still...I don't want to forget....

...

Not A Smell, Not A Taste, Not Even The Colour Of The Sky, Has Ever Been As Sharp And Clear As It Was When I Belonged To Her.

I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times that we spent together, for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

I Can't Even Comprehend The Way My Heart Beats Rapidly As I See You, Even In My Dreams.

There once was a time when silence meant nothing to me...

These words where never easier for me to say or for her to second guess. But I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'm miserable at best.

What Now?

E agora?
É suposto fazer o quê?
É suposto ficar sentada à espera que volte tudo ao normal?
É suposto ficar como se nada tivesse acontecido?
Como é que é possível que esperem que uma pessoa não se sinta diferente depois
de saber que outra está em coma ligada a um ventilador?

Toda a gente que nasce morre...mas isso não implica que não se sofra
quando tal acontece, ou pior que em vez de ir em paz fica agarrada à vida
por um fio, a sofrer, e por muito que queira ir, desaparecer não consegue..
É obrigada a ficar, mesmo o seu tempo já tendo acabado...

Não sei que fazer, nem pensar...resta-me esperar...

...Dúvidas...

Bem...todos os dias deixo o pensamento fluir...e todos os dias
chego a uma conclusão..Por muito bem que me faça divagar...
tenho que voltar sempre para o mesmo sitio..
volto sempre às mesmas dúvidas...
Sempre de volta aos mesmos medos...
Por muito que digam que vale a pena arriscar para ser feliz,
e por muito que eu o queira...as dúvidas destroçam-me o coração..
O facto de saber que há muita gente que não se importa com nada para
além dos seus pensamentos fúteis...
Destroça-me o coração saber que amo uma pessoa tão
profundamente...e não sei se o sentimento é recíproco..
As coisas são todas muito engraçadas quando são fáceis...
não é com isso que me preocupo..
Preocupo-me com a parte que ninguém quer pensar..
com a parte que toda a gente teima em ignorar.
Quando as coisas ficam difíceis...a vida complica-se...
o tempo fica escasso para tudo e as pessoas afastam-se e chegam
ao ponto de se ignorarem umas às outras.
É que dá muito trabalho mandar uma mensagem,
ou passar 5 minutos ao telefone a perguntar se está tudo bem...
e se as coisas nos correm como esperado, mesmo sabendo já as respostas..
Coisa estranha...detesto tantos sentimentos...
mas todos eles trazem uma coisa nova à existência...
O medo que me consome todos os dias...
o medo de perder alguém que se ama...
é uma sensação inexplicável...
Saber exactamente o buraco que seria causado na
alma se uma certa pessoa desaparecesse...
Ter a certeza absoluta que essa pessoa vai acabar por desaparecer,
mais dia, menos dia...apenas uma questão de tempo...
São sentimentos como este que me partem o coração, dia após dia..
Por muito que tente recuperar destes cortes constantes na alma,
torna-se difícil olhar para o dia a dia e para as decisões fúteis de tanta
gente e não gritar com essas pessoas...por vezes bater-lhes até...
Gente tão mesquinha...só se preocupam com o que os outros vestem,
e se estão produzidas o suficiente para os restantes snobs...
Fingem que se preocupam com os restantes..mas quando
estes viram as costas fazem o que todos os fúteis fazem..

Estou a divagar, já perdi o fio à meada..humm...

To be continued...