Maybe

So maybe one day I won't feel this way...maybe one day it'll all be over and I won't dream of you..and hopefully I won't wake up with the feeling that of a knife stabbed at my chest.
At the same time I hope it won't fade away..because it's the only feeling I have at this point..
Good or bad you're the only thing that makes me feel something, it's like I don't care at all any more, nothing matters any more, it's just like going through the motions of being alive and doing what everyone expects me to do..
I hate that I put you through so much pain that you had to leave me to get through it..I hate that..I hate that I lost the only thing that kept me clinging to life..I hate losing the only thing I really truly love..
I don't like the perspective of going through life just surviving and not living..
I have many wishes...and perhaps as many regrets..
I wish I would have been enough for you..but clearly giving you my all wasn't enough to help you go through what you had to go through...
I really truly believe I have never loved anyone besides you..not even close to what it was like with you...
I know it in my heart that nothing will ever be like that again...And I hang on to the promises I made to you..At least the ones I wasn't made to break because of your choices..
I will always be waiting for you..even though I know in my heart that there's no chance that you'll come back..not with these feelings..
Maybe being close to you will be enough to keep me from worrying...and I'll be happy with whatever choices you make for yourself..I guess that's what it means, loving someone...letting them go and be happy even though you may not be part of their happiness..
I will always love you like no one else...and you'll always have a place in my heart...and life..I still wait for you..even though smetimes I believe it would be much less painful just to give up on you and go through the motions of life...
But the truth is I can't..I've tried over and over again to just give up on you...but every time I tried I pulled myself back in through my dreams..
The dreams will eventually kill my soul and there's nothing I can do about that..if I don't talk to you I keep chasing you in my dreams..if I talk to you..they get mixed up with feelings of the present and the truth of the past..
Some nights I'm afraid to go to sleep..other nights wish for it...
Just another lost soul roaming around I guess..